It’s funny how long it can take for a lesson to sink in..
Eight years ago the Lord allowed my body to weaken with disease. Before this I was very active and such a good “DOer”. One of my main frustrations in sickness was that I didn’t know how to be helpful, love others or serve God because I couldn’t DO anything!
I still struggle with wanting to have a list of things to DO, rather than just BEing. Some days here in Haiti I do not have a list of things to accomplish. These days are hard for me to feel useful or have a purpose for being here. Then I am reminded of why we came. We came, primarily, because it was undoubtably clear that the Lord wanted us to go. I say it all the time, and I will continue to, that the nearness of the Lord is our good! So really we are just selfishly here, to be obedient and in that to be near God. In drawing near to the Lord, sitting at His feet, in prayer and in the Word we get perspective, energized, passionate about who God is and what He has for us to DO.
But it all begins with just BEing. BEing still. BEing open. BEing near.
There have been many days where I struggle to go outside with the kids because I don’t have a particular reason or thing to do. But every time I go and sit, the kids that need someone to just hold them and let them BE always find me. Those times are sweet and needed for both of us. And just as a busy 9 year old girl occasionally just needs to lay her head on your lap and rest, I need to be still with Jesus soaking up the truth of His great Love.
(Side note- it is uncomfortable and often awkward, at least for this very verbal lady, to not have the language to communicate…to just have to sit in silence and connect with people outside of talking! I’ve begun to see how sweet that awkwardness is.)
For me this blog isn’t about writing inspirational, deep or exciting things. It really is a place that I need, to sit, process and speak truth to myself. I long to see it as enough to just BE near the Lord and from the overflow of knowing Him, BEing near Him that my family, community, ministry would be blessed and see God. Because in the end God doesn’t ask us just to BE, He fills us with His love to go and DO. I just don’t what to get lost in the DOing and neglect the BEing.
Sitting still has always been hard for me, I’m thankful that God forced it upon me through sickness and has let my heart treasure the silence, the unseen, the just BEing.
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10